
Когда  программер ложится спать он ставит у изголовья два
стакана. Один с водой - на случай если пить захочется, а второй
пустой - если не захочется.

Программист - это,  прежде  всего,  творческая  личность.
И только потом - пьяная скотина.

Для программиста монитор - это реальный рабочий стол,
системный блок - журнальный, а клавиатура - обеденный.

Глюки без причины, признак вирусины.

Если ламер очень крут, не пугайтесь это root.

И ты, Root!

Принтер Pentium с плоским экраном.

Пискаструйный принтер.

Объявление: Продается струйный принтер, струя 5 метров.

Глюк не грянет - мужик не забэкапится.

Куплю винчестер. Жесткие диски не предлагать!

Обнаружен драйвер. Вставьте устройство.

Некоторые программисты настолько ленивы что сразу пишут рабочий код.

Если бы программисты строили дома,
то первый же залетевший дятел разрушил бы цивилизацию.

Я НЕ ПРОГРАММИСТ. Я АДМИН.
Моё дело накуриться и попытаться разобратся, как работает то,
что понаписывали алкаши.

Знали ли вы, что если создать на проекте папочку utils,
всего через месяц туда накоммитят примерно 80% логики проекта.
        @vas3k

Conway's law: organizations which design systems are constrained to
produce designs which are copies of the communication structures of
these organizations.

One of my most productive days was throwing away 1,000 lines of code.
        Ken Thompson

If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete
themselves upon execution.
        Robert Sewell

Good code is its own best documentation.
        Steve McConnell

Good code is easy to delete.

Write code that's easy to delete, not easy to extend.

Software and cathedrals are much the same – first we build them,
then we pray.
        Samuel T. Redwine Jr.

Good judgement is the result of experience.
Experience is the result of bad judgement.
        Fred Brooks

Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like
chewing gum found in the street.
        Mike Johnson

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand.
Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
        Martin Fowler

Always do the hard part first. If the hard part is impossible,
why waste time on the easy part?
        Al Schapira

If you aren't sure which way to do something,
do it both ways and see which works better.
        John Carmack

Talk is cheap. Show me the code.
        Linus Torvalds

Documentation is like sex. When it's good, it's oh-so-good.
When it's bad it's better than nothing.
        Dick Brandon

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code
will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
        Martin Golding

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it
harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg off.
        Bjarne Stroustrup

There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain
about and the ones nobody uses.
        Bjarne Stroustrup

I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone;
my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone.
        Bjarne Stroustrup

There are more useful systems developed in languages deemed awful
than in languages praised for being beautiful--many more.
        Bjarne Stroustrup

Java is to #JavaScript what Car is to Carpet.
        Chris Heilmann

Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like
chewing gum found in the street.
        Mike Johnson

The most amazing achievement of the computer science is its
continuing cancellation of the steady and staggering gains
made by the computer hardware industry.
        Henry Petroski

Floppy disks are like Jesus.
They died to become the icon of saving.

Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.
        Steve Wozniak

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
        Jeff Pesis

- How did you know so much about computers?
- I didn’t, it was the first one.
        Grace Hopper on Letterman

1969: - What're you doing with that 2KB of RAM?
      - Sending people to the moon
2017: - What're you doing with that 1.5GB of RAM?
      - Running Slack
Кодобаза.

Кадилище.

Рефакинг.

Багфистинг.

0 программистов ругал усталый шеф,
потом уволил одного и стало их FF.

Q: What is the best prefix for global variables?
A: //

Duck typing: dynamic mechanism allowing to discover that a fish cannot say quack
only at runtime ... in production ... on Friday evening

There is no programming language–no matter how structured–that will
prevent programmers from making bad programs.
        Larry Flon

Debugging is twice as hard as writing code in the first place. Therefore,
if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition,
not smart enough to debug it.
        Brian Kernighan

The most effective debugging tool is still careful thought,
coupled with judiciously placed print statements.
        Brian W. Kernighan

Debuggers don't remove bugs. They only show them in slow motion.

Contrary to popular belief, Unix is user friendly.
It just happens to be selective about who it makes friends with.
        Dave Parnas

Telling a programmer there's already a library to do X is like
telling a songwriter there's already a song about love.
        Peter Cordell

At forty, I was too old to work as a programmer myself anymore;
writing code is a young person’s job.
        Michael Crichton

The object-oriented version of spaghetti code is, of course,
'lasagna code'. Too many layers.
        Roberto Waltman

Being a good programmer is 3% talent 97% not being distracted by the internet.
        @MSFTImagine

Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming.
        Brian Kernigham

A primary cause of complexity is that software vendors uncritically
adopt almost any feature that users want.
        Niklaus Wirth

Minimize complexity.
The simpler the product, the more likely you are to actually ship it,
and the more likely you are to fix problems quickly.
        Slava Akhmechet

The costs of complexity, rough as they are during development,
bite hardest after deployment.
        Eric Steven Raymond

So much complexity in software comes from trying to make one thing do two things.
        Ryan Singer

No one in the brief history of computing has ever written a piece
of perfect software. It's unlikely that you'll be the first.
        Andy Hunt

Everybody wants to write reusable code.
Nobody wants to reuse anyone else's code.
        @eryno

If you have a procedure with ten parameters, you probably missed some.
        Alan Perlis

One of the best programming skills you can have is knowing
when to walk away for awhile.
        Oscar Godson

Make it correct, make it clear, make it concise, make it fast. In that order.
        Wes Dyer

Deleted code is debugged code.
        Jeff Sickel

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
        Gerald Weinberg

One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions.
        Grace Hopper

The key to performance is elegance, not batalions of special cases.
        Jon Bentley and Doug McIlroy

It’s not at all important to get it right the first time.
It’s vitally important to get it right the last time.
        The Pragmatic Programmer

Dead programs tell no lies
        The Pragmatic Programmer

One of the best programming skills you can have
is knowing when to walk away for a while.
        Oscar Godson

With so much information now online, a strong work ethic and growth
mindset, even more than knowledge, predicts your future success.
        Andrew Ng

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand.
Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
        Martin Fowler

If you can get today’s work done today, but you do it in such a way
that you can’t possibly get tomorrow’s work done tomorrow, then you lose.
        Martin Fowler

Inside every well-written large program is a well-written small program.
        C.A.R Hoare

Programming is not about typing, it's about thinking.
        Rich Hickey

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time.
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
        John Johnson

The strength of JavaScript is that you can do anything.
The weakness is that you will.
        Reg Braithwaite

I'm not a great programmer; I'm just a good programmer with great habits.
        Kent Beck

No one in the brief history of computing has ever written a piece of perfect software.
It's unlikely that you'll be the first.
        Andy Hunt

Testing leads to failure, and failure leads to understanding.
        Burt Rutan

Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
        Edsger Dijkstra

Simplicity & elegance are unpopular because they require hard
work & discipline to achieve & education to be appreciated.
        Edsger Dijkstra

Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability.
        Edsger Dijkstra

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs,
then programming must be the process of putting them in.
        Edsger Dijkstra

Testing can show the presence of errors, but not their absence.
        Edsger Dijkstra

Program testing can be a very effective way to show the presence of bugs,
but is hopelessly inadequate for showing their absence.
        Edsger Dijkstra

The question of whether Machines Can Think...
is about as relevant as the question of whether Submarines Can Swim.
        Edsger Dijkstra

Would you rather Test-First or Debug-Later?
        Robert Martin

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring
aircraft building progress by weight.
        Bill Gates

Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it’s bad.
        Cory House

Hardware eventually fails. Software eventually works.
        Michael Hartung

An evolving system increases its complexity unless work is done to reduce it.
        Meir Lehman

Good software, like wine, takes time.
        Joel Spolsky

Good specifications will always improve programmer productivity far better
than any programming tool or technique.
        Milt Bryce

Аккуратный программист — быстрый программист.
        Билл Гейтс

Сегодня ты делаешь код, завтра код делает тебе деньги.
        Стив Джобс

Если твой код работает, значит это хороший код.
        Маркус Перссон

Чтобы понять код мида, нужно быть мидом. Чтобы понять код сеньора, достаточно быть джуном.
        Гейб Логан Ньюэлл

У каждого языка есть время жизни. За исключением ’Кобола’, конечно.
        Брайан Керниган

Настоящий программист гораздо больше читает, чем пишет.
        Линус Торвальдс

Комментарии в коде должны быть похожими на кружевные трусики: маленькими, прозрачными, и оставляющими достаточно места для воображения.
        Марк Цукерберг

Скорость имеет значение.
        Павел Дуров

Когда я не знаю, с чего начать, я открываю чистый файл и пишу: ’// С чего бы начать?’. Дальше всё идёт как-то само собой.
        Расмус Лердорф

Если ваша работа не документирована, значит вы не работали.
        Ада Лавлейс

Писать книги сложнее, чем писать программы. Любой писатель может стать хотя бы посредственным программистом. Обратное, к сожалению, неверно.
        Дональд Эрвин Кнут

Если над кодом работали 20 человек, значит его можно сделать в 20 раз меньше и в 20 раз быстрее.
        Бьёрн Страуструп

Если бы Омар Хайям жил сейчас, он наверняка был бы пиратом.
        Ричард Мэттью Столлман

На собеседованиях я обычно спрашиваю, часто ли испытуемый использует костыли. Это хороший способ отсеять патологических лжецов.
        Стив Возняк

Не ожидайте ухоженных ногтей от первопроходцев.
        Сид Мейер

Можно сделать довольно большой проект, вообще не прикасаясь к мыши. Но зачем?.
        Алан Кёртис Кэй

На длинных дистанциях выигрывают стайеры.
        Брэм Коэн

Всегда начинайте со структуры данных.
        Джон Кармак

Кофе не помогает программировать, зато он приятен на вкус.
        Джеймс Гослинг

Не бывает хороших языков, бывают хорошие программисты.
        Андерс Хейлсберг

Проще отучить собаку лаять на почтальона, чем отучить админа работать под рутом.
        Кен Томпсон

Когда-то я был достаточно наивен, надеясь, что мне достаточно будет хорошо выучить один язык.
        Давид Хейнемейер Ханссон

Чем опытнее программист, тем лучше он осознаёт всю скудность своих знаний и навыков.
        Крис Хьюз

Хакер всегда выигрывает в честной схватке, потому что он нечестен.
        Эрик Стивен Рэймонд

Идеальному коду место в музее: там ценят всякие древности.
        Питер Нортон

Не экономьте на дизайне: конечный пользователь ровным счётом ничего не понимает в программировании.
        Дастин Московиц

Довольно сложно руководить программистом, которому не нужны деньги.
        Стив Возняк

Выучите LISP, и вы не будете работать ни одного дня в своей жизни.
Выучите PHP, и вы таки сумеете заработать себе на кусок хлеба.
        Ричард Мэттью Столлман

Прежде, чем начать сеанс парного программирования, уберите из комнаты все острые предметы.
        Брендан Эйх

Being a good programmer is 3% talent
and 97% not being distracted by internet.

As a software developer, you are your own worst enemy.
The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be.
        Jeff Atwood

I’ve learned over the past few years that comments should be considered smells.
        Ron Lisle

Good design adds value faster than it adds cost.
        Thomas C. Gale

If it hasn’t been tested, it doesn’t work.
        Eric Mason

Vacations are chaos monkey for the organization.
Minimum vacation policies build sustainable & fault-tolerant teams.

Weeks of coding can save you hours of planning.
        Unknown

The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell
what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.
        Seymour Cray

Computer Science is the discipline that believes all problems can be
solved with one more layer of indirection.
        Dennis DeBruler

You might not think that programmers are artists, but programming
is an extremely creative profession. It's logic-based creativity.
        John Romero

Every bug you take.
Every pull you make.
Every build you break.
I'll be watching you.
        The DevOps Song

Optimisation isn’t always about squeezing the last few ounces of horsepower
from the red-lining engine, it’s just about releasing the handbrake before
putting your foot down.
        Brian McConnell

The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate
its complexity and difficulty.
        Nicoll Hunt

No code is faster than no code.
        Merb Motto

Programming concepts seem like warp-drive tech when you first encounter them
and like sewage systems once you understand them
This is true of most engineering. It will be true of warp drives when we
invent them. I bet a leaky dilithium matrix smells like ass.
        @vgr

A good API is not just easy to use but also hard to misuse.
        JBD

Data dominates. If you’ve chosen the right data structures and organized
things well, the algorithms will almost always be self-evident.
Data structures, not algorithms, are central to programming.
        Rob Pike in 1989

The best error message is the one that never shows up.
        Thomas Fuchs

A Fallacy of Software:
If it works, and we don't change anything, it will keep working.
        Jessica Kerr

The trick is to fix the problem you have,
rather than the problem you want.
        Bram Cohen

If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.

Beware of bugs in the above code;
I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
        Donald Knuth

Talk is cheap. Show me the code.
        Linus Torvalds

You've baked a really lovely cake, but then you've used dog shit for frosting.
        Steve Jobs

When they first built the University of California at Irvine they just put
the buildings in. They did not put any sidewalks, they just planted grass.
The next year, they came back and put the sidewalks where the trails were
in the grass. Perl is just that kind of language. It is not designed from
first principles. Perl is those sidewalks in the grass.
        Larry Wall

The proper use of comments is to compensate for our failure to express yourself in code.
        Uncle Bob Martin

Services, micro or otherwise, are not automatically decoupled.
Indeed, without proper architectural consideration they can be just as coupled
as any spaghetti monolith. Decoupling is independent of services.
Once decoupled a system can be deployed as services or not.
        Bob Martin

Slaves are not allowed to say no. Laborers may be hesitant to say no. But
professionals are expected to say no. Indeed, good managers crave someone who
has the guts to say no. It’s the only way you can really get anything done.
        Bob Martin, The Clean Coder: A Code of Conduct for Professional Programmers

A long descriptive name is better than a short enigmatic name.
A long descriptive name is better than a long descriptive comment.
        Bob Martin, Clean Code: A Handbook of Agile Software Craftsmanship

If you're good at the debugger it means you spent a lot of time debugging.
I don't want you to be good at the debugger.
        Bob Martin

Complexity is such a bright candle for us hacker-moths.
        Rusty Russell (creator of iptables)

The trick is to fix the problem you have,
rather than the problem you want.
        Bram Cohen

Все проблемы в программировании решаются путём создания
дополнительного уровня косвенности.
        Дэвид Виллер

Обычно это создает новую проблему.
        Дэвид Виллер

Простота – предпосылка надежности.
        Эдсгер Дейкстра

Если мы хотим подсчитать количество строк кода,
следует воспринимать их не как написанные, а как потраченные.
        Эдсгер Дейкстра

Код сложнее читать, чем писать.
        Джоэль Спольски

Любой дурак может писать код, который будет понятен компьютерам.
Хорошие программисты пишут код, который будет понятен людям.
        Мартин Фаулер

Не повторяйтесь. Каждый фрагмент знания должен иметь единственное,
однозначное, надежное представление в системе.
        Энди Хант и Дэвид Томас

Код никогда не лжет, а вот с комментариями такое случается.
        Рон Джеффрис

В компьютерных науках есть только две сложные проблемы –
инвалидация кэша и придумывание названий.
        Фил Карлтон

В компьютерных науках есть только три сложные проблемы –
аннулирование кэша, придумывание названий и ошибка на единицу.
        Леон Бамбрик
